Only When I Stop to Think About It
by mizz loserr
Summary: ONE-SHOT. COMPLETE. EDITED VERSION POSTED 9:0CT:04. Songfic to 'I Hate Everything About You' by Three Days Grace. Summer hates him and denies missing him.


Summer rocked back and forth on her bed, holding her own legs in her arms. She felt like crying. Crying would wash her feelings away. Her sister Charlotte told her after her parents died that crying wouldn't bring back the people you loved. This was the first time Summer wished her sister had been telling a lie.  
  
_Every time we lie awake_

_After every hit we take _

_Every feeling that I get _

_But I haven't missed you yet_  
  
Did Summer really ever love him? She wasn't so sure anymore. All the brusies from their fights after they yelled had faded, but the scars from what he had told her hadn't. It felt like horrible fear everytime she accidently replayed a memory in her mind.  
  
_Every roommate kept awake _

_By every sigh and scream we make _

_All the feelings that I get _

_But I still don't miss you yet  
_  
Honestly? Most of the fighting took place at Deweys. Sometimes at the apartments where Summer lived with her sister. Charlotte pretended not to hear, and didn't ask when the fighting was over, and Summers' face was flushed from crying. Sometimes they even took place in their dorm, where they lived across the hall from each other at NYU. Did Summer miss him? She wasn't so sure. She sometimes did, but she pushed those thoughts clear out of her mind when she tried to think of them. She'd never forgive him, and he'd probably would never forgive her for drowning his heart.  
  
_Only when I stop to think about it._  
  
If Summer thought really hard, really really really hard, she really did love him. She really did miss him. The way he gave her flowers, the way he gave her stuffed animals which she collected and put on her shelf. The way he comforted her when her dad and mom died in a car crash in Washington D.C. 3 years ago. But she was 15. 15 and incredibly stupid as she often reminded herself.  
  
_I hate everything about you _

_Why do I love you?_

_I hate everything about you _

_Why do I love you?_  
  
She did love him. She did. Even though she yelled at him when he did something wrong. Even though she cried on his shoulder after something she did got him in trouble. Even though.  
Even though she drowned his heart.  
  
_Only when I stop to think about you _

_I know _

_Only when you stop to think about me _

_Do you know_  
  
Summer felt a sudden pang in her mind. She felt it everytime that she started going out with him. Espically at night, when she wasn't with him, or during the classes they didn't have together. It was the first time it had happened in about 6 months. He transfered colleges when they broke up. It hurt her so bad. But he told her one night while they were out that he couldn't stop thinking about her the previous night, and he couldn't sleep because he kept thinking about her. She told him about it, and he replied.  
  
"Your head hurts whenever I'm thinking about how much I love you." Summer muttered his exact words under her breath.  
  
_I hate everything about you _

_Why do I love you?_

_You hate everything about me _

_Why do you love me?_  
  
Why did he love her? She didn't deserve his love.  
Or maybe she did.  
She loved him uncontrolably, she loved him when his parents got divorced, she loved him even though he sometimes hurt her, and she knew that he still loved her.  
The tears fell without shame down her face. Summer felt the pang in her head again, and one single tear dropped down her left cheek. The pang struck again, then stopped. 3 Moments later, the phone rang. Summer reached shakily towards it.  
  
_Only when I stop to think about you _

_I know _

_Only when you stop to think about me _

_Do you know_  
  
"Hello?" she said, the tears behind unhidden in her awnser. She could hear him swallow and stutter.  
"Summer. It's Freddy."  
  
_Only when I stop to think about it  
  
I hate everything about you _

_Why do I love you _

_You hate everything about me _

_Why do you love me?_  
  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
A/N: Wow, that fic was extremly random, and came out of absloulte nowhere. I love Three Days Grace, and I LOVE that song. I hope you enjoyed it, and please read my other stories!  
  
I changed the story because I was listening to the song, and I noticed one part I really really liked, but didn't include in the fic. So, I changed most of it around, and came up with a better version of it I believe. Yea, the guy was Freddy, (what do you expect, this is a major F/S supporter talking here!) and kudos to whoever guessed correctly. **


End file.
